Sunday, December 30, 2012

December 30, 2012

My name is Rick and I weigh 287 pounds.  I'm one of the sixty eight percent of Americans who is overweight or obese.  Actually I'm on the high side of obese.  I have a hard time saying that out loud, let alone writing it in a public forum.  I'm not sure why because anyone who sees me knows I'm obese. I'm the one who has difficulty accepting it. I don't feel any different than when I was one hundred ninety pounds.  Well, except for the back pain, sleep apnea, ankle problems, knee problems, and feeling like I'm a failure. Yep.  I don't feel any different, until I look in the mirror or see a picture of myself.

My history with weight is probably not that different than anyone else.  I started gaining weight when I was in the second grade.  By the time I was in the fourth grade I was one hundred pounds. I hit the two hundred mark in high school.  It hit 230 pounds before I took action. 

I stopped drinking when I was twenty one and for the first time in my life I began taking care of myself. It was because I was learning to love myself I decided to take action.  Looking back, it was amazing how easily the weight came off.  I'm sure it didn't seem like it at the time, although there was a period of bulimia and anorexia in that time.  I ended up losing eighty pounds in eighteen months.   At my lowest, I was 150 pounds. 

I maintained my weight within ten pounds for about five years.  Then I quit smoking.  I gained twenty pounds.  A beloved dog died.  I gained another thirty. For the next few years it was a gradual gain until I hit 250 pounds.  I started Weight Watchers and lost fifteen, gained ten.  Back and forth.  Then I lost my job.  I gained twenty. Then ten. Then five.  Back and forth until my current weight.

In all that time I tried Slimfast, diet pills, bulimia, anorexia, low carb, no carb, vegan, Weight Watchers, South Beach, Adkins, you name it and I probably tried it.  Each time I had little success followed by more gain. 

Today I'm starting this blog to hold myself accountable. My plan is to blog every day to keep myself on track. I really need to succeed this time. I need to learn to love myself again.  I'm told I'm worth it.  I'm hoping to believe that soon. 


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